Love and other stuff.

First of all, thank you all for your kind words, your love and support. We all need that sometimes, what a blessing. You are all so beautiful. Thank you for allowing me to vent my frustration with a "church" I love and yet still has a long way to go. I woke up this morning with the sun on my face, I pick up my iPad and turn it on, up pops my Bible verse for the day. Here is what it said. With all this going for us, my dear, dear friends, stand your ground. And don't hold back. Throw yourselves into the work of God, confident that nothing you do is a waste of time or effort. (1 Corinthians 15:58 MSG) Really? Some may say coincidence and that's fine. To me it was an answer to prayer. Then my wonderful friend and Pastor Sarah Marsh posts this scripture.  Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; and makes my feet like the feet of a deer, and enables me to tread on the heights. (Habakkuk 3:17-19a NIV) Ok, ok I got it. Sometimes the "church" makes me so damn mad. But OUR work here is not done. Some of what has been done at General Conference is good, but there is a lot I don't agree with, so we have work to do. Honestly, I can't say I'm joyous yet, but I am resolved to carry on. I've been doing this for over 20 years now and can't stop now.  There are several things that carry me forward  1. My family and friends who continue to love and support me. Some I've only known for a short time, some all my life. Thank you! 2. College Hill United Methodist. Simply one of the most amazing churches I know. Time after time people say to me CHUM is the Body of Christ. It is true, we are the Body of Christ. We are broken, we are joyful, we are angry, we laugh, we have good days and bad days. We are all colors, we are gay, straight, bisexual, transgendered, married, single, divorced, widowed, we are physically challenged, mentally challenged, we are rich and we are poor. WE ARE BEAUTIFUL because we are who God created us to be. 3. This I know. God loves me (you) and there ain't nothing we can do about it. It's true there is nothing we can do about it, but there is something we can do with it. Love each other! Share that love and change our world. Share that love and change our "church"! With all this going for us, my dear, dear friends, stand your ground. And don't hold back. Throw yourselves into the work of God, confident that nothing you do is a waste of time or effort. May it be so.

Hurting, Healing, Loving

Just FYI, this post is all about me venting, so you can stop reading now if you want. I started out writing tonight in a very angry state, once again being hurt by my son and his actions. I was writing some pretty angry stuff, and then I thought about the message this past Sunday at church from anger to peace. Damn it, why now, really, it's just not fair. I want to be angry, I want to rant and rave, but then I remember that I love this kid. As mad as he makes me, as much as I want to grab him by the shoulders and shake him, I can't not love him. My heart hurts, my soul aches and I'm tired of crying. I just want the best for him. I want him to find peace, I want him to be happy, I want him to recognize that he doesn't need to do the things he does thinking that's going to bring him happiness. God, please be with him, watch over him and let him know that he is loved. God be with me, calm my heart, ease my hurt and help me find peace. Amen

Slow Down, You Move to Fast

So for the past 31 hours, I have been on a technology fast. Some of you may be asking, "what in the heck is that?" Well, I will tell you. For me, I chose to not use a phone, a computer, a TV, an iPod or an iPad. for 24 hours. More about my choices later. I am very proud of myself, I actually made it 31 hours. Of course it could be that I was sleeping for most of the overtime.

I started off the morning reminiscing about growing up. I can remember when I was really young, probably around 5, we had a rotary dial phone and a party line. There were two other families on the same phone line as us, so you always had to listen to make sure no one else was on the line before you started dialing. Now, I'm not THAT old, so the rate of change in the area of technology is really incredible.That was only 42 years ago. I got my first cell phone when I was 22 and all it did was make phone calls lol.

Then there is the TV, I remember when I was young, we had a black and white TV. I don't remember when we got color TV, maybe when I was around 9 or 10. I do remember as I grew up and eventually got my own TV, all the times having to move it around and the thing weighed hundreds of pounds and took up the whole back seat of my car. Now we have 42 inch TVs that are 3 inches thick and weigh about as much as my book bag did in high school.

On to computers. I learned a little bit about computers my junior year of High School. But it was nothing like today. It was pretty much a glorified typewriter back then. I believe I got my own personal computer when I was 25. I didn't even have one for college. It sounds so crazy now, and again, it wasn't that long ago. Now, we carry them around in a bag and it's hard to be without one.

All this to say, times sure have changed. So that was my morning, sort of thinking about how different life is today from when I was little, NOT SO LONG AGO. LOL

Then as I started working in the yard in the afternoon, I thought more about how much we depend on all these devices, at least I do. There were several times when something would pop into my mind and I would think, oh I need to look that up, or oh I need to call them.
Nope, not today. I even had to resort to writing things down on paper. Wow.

As the day went on, I didn't find that the practice was hard, but it was a little annoying, not being able to get things done the way I wanted. I had to go back to our first practice and be patient.

In the evening, I sat on my deck to read a book. LOL, if you want to know the truth, I had to borrow a book from a friend, because all of my new books are on my iPad and I couldn't use it. Then it started to get dark so I had to stop reading. Now if I had my iPad I could have kept reading, oh well.

Once it was dark, I decided to build a fire in my fire pit. It was a beautiful night out. As I'm sitting out on the back patio, the fire is going, I'm laying on the chaise and Talos (my dog) is laying on the love seat. It's then that I finally relax, I finally let go and I notice God. It took me all day, but it finally happened. I look over at Talos, he looks at me, the fire is crackling the air is cool and there in my backyard, God is with us. Not to say God hasn't been there all along, I just finally allowed myself the quiet and the time to recognize that God had been there all along. I could feel this deep welling up coming from inside my body, it is one of the best feelings in the world and that overwhelming sense of peace and love overcame me and all was well with the world and my soul.

I challenge you to do your own fast, whatever that means for you. I would have to say it is definitely in the stepping away that allows me to recognize God's presence more. I'm going to try and live my life a little more unplugged than I have been. Blessings on the journey!

Fasting from Media and Technology

On Sunday's during his current sermon series, Rev. Kent has been giving us a practice. The practice for this week is to fast one day from media and technology and spend time with God. That means, no phone, no Facebook, no Tweeting, no TV, no iPod, no iPad, no computer, no Word with Friends and no texting. All of this for 24 hours. As I sit here and look at the list, it sort of brings into focus, how much time I spend plugged in. Now part of it is my job, keeping the website updated, keeping things posted on Facebook, etc... but part of it is just how I am connecting with my friends and family. As I think about plugging in, I'm wondering if I need to be using more than one power source. Maybe I need to be spending just as much time plugging into God.

I have decided that tomorrow, Tuesday, March 13, 2012 is going to be my day to disconnect from the 120V and to connect to God. It's going to be an interesting journey. I know I can do it, but it really has been a long time since I've completely stepped away. Please pray for me, pray for rest, pray for patience, pray for comfort and pray for God to be present with me. I really am looking forward to this day. Stay tuned, I'll let you know how it goes. Blessings, brian

P.S. Don't call me, text me, message me tomorrow, I'm not answering. :-)

Patience

So, last Sunday, February 26, Rev. Kent gave a sermon on moving from Impatience to Patience. At the end of the sermon, he challenged us to find a way to practice patience this week. For those of you who do not know me so well, I am a pretty patient person. However, one of my biggest challenges for patience is when I am driving. I decided this is where I would work on my patience.

Yesterday, I decided to practice patience while driving. I decided I would not pass anyone all day long. Knowing my propensity to be a little aggressive while driving, I thought this would be a great way for me to practice. My concern was that I would be aggravated, angry, and edgy all day long as I applied this practice. To my amazement, there was this sense of freedom the longer I applied patience to my driving. I relaxed, I enjoyed driving, no one bothered me with the way they were driving. It was a very good day. At least until about 5:30 p.m.

I needed to go to PetCo to get some dog food, and a couple of other things. I headed that way, and had no problem until I was literally 100 yards from the entrance. I was following a city bus, and it had to stop right before my turn to let some people off the bus, no problem,  I'm being patient and waiting. Well, being right behind the bus also put me about 5 feet past the WalMart exit, and as always, people were waiting to exit. I had a dilemma, do I pass the bus, thus forgoing my practice, or do I wait patiently? It had been about 30 seconds now, and the bus wasn't moving. People exiting were honking as they went around me. I decided for this time, I was just going to wait, maybe some other people can practice patience as well. I don't know if it counts if you force people to practice patients, but that's another day.

After about a minute and a half, the bus driver got out of the bus and came back to check on me. He asked, "are you ok?" I'm fine I said, I'll just wait for you to go on with the rest of your route. "It's going to be a couple more minutes" he said. That's fine, I'll wait, I'm practicing patience I said. He looked at me quizzically and said "you're what?" I went on to explain to him about church and Rev. Kent's challenge. He shook his head, gave me a big smile and said "I may just have to check that church out." We'd love to have you, I said and he went on his way.

It's amazing what can happen when we least expect it. What I thought was going to be a miserable day, turned into a great day and a chance to share a little bit of my faith with someone else. I had fun practicing patience and I know that it will continue to be a practice for me when I'm driving.

I hope that you can find some time in your life as well to practice a little patience. May it be so.

An Attitude of Gratitude

There are so many times that I say to people how much I love my church. How much I appreciate how willing they all are to give and share of themselves. Today as I watched their gifts come in for our turkey giveaway on Wednesday, I was so thankful, overwhelmed and grateful. It was awesome. I know that’s a lot of adjectives, but that is how I felt. I have learned so much from all of them and all of you. As I thought about the day, I started to think about gratitude. What is gratitude really, at least for me, here’s where I am.

Gratitude is recognizing the beauty that is already our life. Looking around and being aware of all that surrounds us. Our family, our friends, our job, and whatever else fits the list for each of us.

Gratitude is the moments of peace and harmony in our life, when we feel most connected to God, the Divine, the Earth. Gratitude is realizing that the Creator is within each one of us. It is “Namaste” which means the divine in me recognizes and appreciates the divine in you. It means to be present and at peace.

Being grateful doesn't deny that there is pain. It doesn't ignore that we have confusion. It doesn't negate our fear. It doesn't cover up that we are stressed. It's not meant to guilt people into trying to pretend happiness. It doesn't even fix everything and give us the perfect life.

But it does give us strength and hope. It gives us the ability to keep moving forward. And as we step into the chaos of family, events, memories, expectations, relationships and decisions this holiday season-- we could all use a little more strength, a little more joy, a little more peace and a little more hope. I am so grateful for you and for me. Be blessed, brian

You Matter, Life Matters

Some of you know that a friend of mine from high school died last week. In the aftermath of all that was going on, his parents had the courage and honesty to let people know that John had taken his own life. He was 35 years old, a restaurant owner and chef in Kansas City. He appeared to have everything going right in his life, but to often the outside doesn't reflect the inside.

I know that there are times in our lives that can get very dark. That sometimes we can't seem to find our way. When everything seems unimportant, we seem unimportant, life seems to not matter.

Please, please hear these word. YOU MATTER, YOUR LIFE MATTERS! If you are feeling alone, if inside you feel like no one cares about you, please, talk to someone. I promise you, people do care. Sorry to say so many times in today's world we all get caught up in our own stuff, we all have to much going on. It's not that we don't care, it's that we don't see, we don't listen, we don't pay attention.

John my friend, I'm sorry that things got so bad for you that you couldn't see any other way out. You were a great chef and a great person. Know that your life mattered and many people are missing you. May you know God's peace and love always. This I know, there are going to be some great parties and great food in heaven!

So where does life go from here. It goes on, it always does. But hopefully at least for me (and maybe for you), I will open my eyes and see a little bit more, I will open my heart and listen a little closer and I will open my life to pay attention to everything and everyone around me, that I may be just a little more aware of the beauty each and every one of you bring to this world. Thank you for who you are, who God created you to be. Live your life being you, that's the best gift we can give to this world and to God. Love ya, brian